Wednesday, August 29, 2007

the coconutter

I am a nurse, and all I want to do is to escape this mediocre life, I am always thinking that I am a victim of random fate when I was born, Why here? why not timbuktu or some hillbilly island in the mid atlantic? While checking other blogs, I stumbled upon this person, a modern-day filipino nomad.

then a cold wind of realization punch me right smack in the middle of my face. realization that what I'm thinking was shameful uber shameful.

this guy's so amazing and his story is so inspiring, and I thought of sharing them with you:

He's David Poarch
22 years old
High School Valedictorian
Ivy League Scholar
Mensa International Qualified
Triple degree student
NASA Employee
Half Filipino
Good looking

what else can you ask? WTF he got everything, but guess what ... he's back in the Philippines to live a provincial life.. pure nuts! If I got those credentials? I am probably showing my ass off the window for public viewing.

For all my readers who can understand the third world language, watch his story here

part 1

part 2

The Coconuter could either be someone who has a sincere and a noble purpose, OR he's just a genius turned bonkers. Nevertheless, I'm effing inspired by this bloke--he could have a birthmark in his butt saying "Ideal Pinoy" ... I hope they make a David Poarch action figure!

but I'm still leaving the country!

Monday, August 27, 2007

bahay kubo : translated

earlier this morning, I overheard my co-workers singing a familiar hymn, but the lyrics were undecipherable... apparently they're reading the lyrics from a pinoy web site



Valer kuberch, kahit jutay
Ang julamantrax donchi ay anek-anek.
Nyongkamas at nutring, nyogarilyas at kipay
Nyitaw, nyotaw, jutani.
Kundol, jutola, jupot jolabastrax
At mega join-join pa, jobanox nyustasa.
Nyubuyax, nyomatis, nyowang at luyax
And around the keme ay fullness ng linga.


Saturday, August 25, 2007

Marry Me Marie

NO she's not Kc Concepcion and she's making Kristin Kreuk and Riyo Mori feel so ugly.
She's Marie (ma-ree-yay) Digby
She's half Japanese half ... uhmmm ... Goddess!
I saw her on youtube, apparently she's playing it big on the net.
And then she was discovered by radio stations and her single is now available on iTunes...

Wow! I was bewitched by her diaphanous features and pure talent! HOTNESS!
she's covering different songs and making the original artist look crappy.

here's a Marie original, this composition is a tribute to her favorite TV character, Betty. luv'it!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Outwitting, Outplaying, Out GAY-ing China!

YEY! survivor season is here once again. And they're hitting mainland China this time, I heard they will be sewing-up shirts for export, locked inside a poultry farm with bird flu infected chicken and nibble on lead-intoxicating toys, last man standing shall win immunity! (hahahaha)

here's something not mentioned in the clip: the cast includes a gay Mormon, a former beauty queen (from a pageant held in the Philippines), a playboy bitch, a second degree female black belter, a male underwear model, Madonna's former backup dancer and a guy who believes that the Spice Girls reunion is the most significant historical event of the past 100 years (why not)

no doubt, they will definitely outwit, outplay, out gay each other in the end! HAHAHA

Thursday, August 16, 2007

black is back

If you're having a hard time looking for a kris kringle pick for "something black" ... fret no more, here's an alternative and unique suggestions:

black salt... it may look like a sort of a wound scab scrapings but that'll work as mangang hilaw partner!

We have red, they got black eggs ... ours are salted, theirs are maggoty (im kidding) don't really know what's in there... triple horned gray back dragon embryo maybe?

black native pigs from planet whocareswhere. if spidey got venom, homer's spider pig got these folks (spider pig, spider pig... does whatever a spider pig does--look ouuuuuuut)

Black tissue paper ... at least dung wipes wouldn't look nasty anymore

black cotton buds ... so that you would know if you already picked a portion of your brain, genius!

for shiny whiter teeth, use Black tooth paste! (sure!)

Just in case you want to pretend you're a black hung-man. or maybe you'd like to hide something in the dark.

but here's something more special:

It's not what you think it is, it's not olives with caviar. It may look like a ground smoker's lung, but its edible at least for some mexicans they even consider it a delicacy, Cuitlacoche is a black fungus that infects corn fields, making the kernels bulbous and swollen as they fill with spores. It also goes by the name Huitlacoche. If you're having trouble with the pronounciation, it's: Cuitlacoche (kweet-lah-KOH-chay) or Huitlacoche (dat-sfuckin-NAS-tee).

Yes you can buy it in groceries (just don't know where, and i don't care really), it's like a disease in can. These infected corn is chewy, textured and tasteful, just imagine biting on a plump acne poop! total pus-sy experience, YUMMY!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Post Hogwarts : Unpublished

I'm currently juggling my time with exams, training, work, paper processing and being a super hero all in one hand the other hand's doing something else. And yet I still manage to read that 7th Rowling book.

It's really a concoction of awes and disappointments, amazement and w-w-w-wait! I read the last three chapters twice already and still loving it. I know for a fact that this is the culmination of the 7 books and 8 years of following the magic and so I'm allowing every single letter of those pages consume me for a moment. OK, now I sound like an over acting high school girl

After the last page, I know a lot of readers' asses are itching to know what happened to the major characters, the epilogue is too short to discuss the details of the years that were bypassed and a lot of things might have happened to them, where did they go? what have they become?

so here's a treat:

WARNING: spoilers galore ahead, if you're still reading the book, then you should stop right here, or
you'll find out the ending ... that harry died!

JK Rowling told fans what she thinks happened to many of the book's characters after the final installment. In a 90-minute live Web chat, she fielded some of the approximately 120,000 questions submitted by devotees. It was her first public comment since "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"

So here's some interesting unpublished details of the ending:

Harry Potter, who always voiced a desire to become an Auror, or someone who fights dark wizards, was named head of the Auror Department under the new wizarding government headed by his friend and ally, Kingsley Shacklebolt. Harry gives occasional lectures to DADA classes at Hogwarts

His wife, Ginny Weasley, stuck with her athletic career, playing for the Holyhead Harpies, the all-female Quidditch team. Eventually, Ginny left the team to raise their three children -- James, Albus Severus and Lily -- while writing as the senior Quidditch correspondent for the wizarding newspaper, the Daily Prophet.

Harry's best friend Ron Weasley joined his brother, George, as a partner at their successful joke shop, Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. He also work with Harry as an Auror.

Hermione Granger, Ron's wife, works for the Ministry and is "pretty high up" in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and has ensured the eradication of oppressive, pro pure-blood laws, although she began her post-Hogwarts career by working in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, where she is instrumental in greatly improving life for house-elves and their ilk. She has helped in revamping the Ministry. The couple had two children -- Rose and Hugo.

Luna Lovegood, Harry's airily distracted friend with a love for imaginary animals becomes a famous wizarding naturalist Luna discovered many new species of animals and became quite famous for it, though she concluded that crumple-horned snorkacks don't actually exist. She ended up marrying Rolf the grandson of Newt Scamander, author of "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them."

Neville Longbotton has joined the faculty of Pomona Sprout and now also a professor teaching Herbology in Hogwarts. With Professor Minerva McGonagall now as the head mistress.

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley has received a total of at least eight grandchildren from the marriages of Bill and Fleur (their eldest is called Victoire, necessitating that they have at least one other child), of Harry and Ginny (Three) and of Hermione and Ron (Two). George has a son named Fred, named in honour of his late twin. Percy later becomes a high-ranking officer under Kingsley Shacklebolt's administration. Charlie became a specialist in Dragons Taxonomy Studies in Romania.

Hagrid is still living on the cottage near the forbidden forest, he's been a teacher for Care of Magical Creatures and an adviser for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures in the Ministry.

Draco Malfoy, rumored to have Married a Half-blood and had a son named Scorpius, He's relationship with Harry is not really like "the one you sit for a bottle of fire whiskey" but they're in relatively good terms, and its an open secret.

Krum eventually finds love in his native Bulgaria.

Harry and Dudley had meet again. Dudley is muscular rather than obese he has kept his interest in boxing.

Cho Chang became the counselor and adviser of the D.A. in and out of Hogwarts.

Parvati Patil married Dean Thomas

Seamus Finiggan runs the Kenmare Kestrels, a Quidditch sporting business in Ireland

Ernie McMillan is currently traveling across the globe doing research on tropical ingredients for potions.

Katie Bell is coaching for Scottish Quidditch team

Lavander Brown together with Padma Patil runs a shop in Diagon Alley specializing in Divination, Prophecy and Runes

Oliver Wood, Following his graduation from Hogwarts he signed on as Keeper for the Puddlemere United Quidditch team.

Lee Jordan became a Newscaster after his participation as an anti-Ministry of Magic pirate radio station entitled Potterwatch during the rebellion, He eventually married Angelina Johnson, Hogwarts new Quidditch Coach.

Rowling said she may eventually reveal more details in a Harry Potter encyclopedia, but even then, it will never be enough to satisfy the most ardent of her fans. She's dealing with a level of obsession in some of her fans that will not rest until they know the actual length of Harry's ... new wand!

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

BAHA : random thoughts!

after more than a month of dry spell and unusually hot monsoon season, the rain cloud has finally arrived. 2 days ago I came home from work and it's still dark, when finally it's drizzling outside... and before i knew it, it's a down pour.. ika nga ni lelay "it's raining cats and goats!"

It's been raining for two days now. So bring out the good books and hot mug of swissmiss, curl-up beside a rain battered window panel wearing your favorite pair o' socks, look down on the flooded streets and say: "mga hampas-lupa! bwahahahaha" (with a celia rodrigues infliction).

I'm not in the right blogging mood, I just want to play dead in bed. So I'll just re-post a blog from last year. This is also a perfect time to cuddle in bed and commit adultery!


Lumaki ako sa isang lugar na konting ulan .. bumabaha.. nagtataka nga ako kung bakit di ako tinubuan ng kaliskis at palikpik gayong umiikot ang formative years ko sa baha.. kasabay ko lumaki ang mga Escherichia coli at leptospira interrogans na main-stay sa barangay namin...

sa baha ako nakapag laro ng bangkang gawa sa de gomang tsinelas, manghuli ng dalag, karera ng bangkang papel, mamingwit ng samutsaring basura (mula sa plastic bag hanggang sanitary napkin) at sa maniwala kayo at sa hindi.. doon din ako natuto lumangoy.. hindi ko nga alam kung bakit buhay pa ko.

wala nang sasarap pa sa isang lunes ng umagang malamig at madilim, nakakatamad pumasok dahil umuulan.. tapos biglang i-a announce: all levels CLASSES SUSPENDED ... YESSS! sabay balik sa kama.. tuloy ang tulog.

at wala parin tatalo sa almusal na sinangag, tuyo, kamatis at bagoong.. dagdagan pa ng mainit na kape.. di uso starbucks.. solve na sa kape puro at blend 45 (FYI: wala nang blend 45 sa market ngayon dahil binili na ng rustans para mag supply ng coffee beans sa starbucks)

nung winasak ng bagyong katrina ang new orleans last year.. napanood ko na delubyo ang naidulot nito sa mga nasalantang lugar.. at kakaibang ka-dramahan ang ipinamalas ng mga kano.. akalain mong may umiiyak, may hinihimatay dahil sa anxety attack, may mga nagpapanic at halos mabaliw sa pagwawala.. samantalang ang baha e hangang tuhod lang .. OK LANG SILA?!

HELLO! normal yan dito, kung ang mga kano akala mo ili-lethal injection kung mag drama pag may baha.. e ang mga pinoy, lalo na ang mga bata, mas nageenjoy pa. sa baha kasi nahahasa ang creativity at survival skills ng karamihan sa aming mga pinoy. pagkakataon na rin ito para may excuse na mag-pakabulok sa kama ang mga tamad at rumaket ang mga sukag at gahaman sa pera!

eto ilan sa mga tried and tested raket:

- improvised float vessel gawa sa styro ..... P30 / sakay

- stepping stone / tulay ... kahit magkano (wag lang bababa sa P2) / tawid

- linis windshield (tubig galing sa kanal o baha) ... pag bumaba sa P5 - kumaripas ka na!

- tricycle na triple presyo sa taxi

naaalala ko tuloy nung bata ako, nadidissapoint ako pag bumababa na ang tubig baha... Kung sa ibang bansa CALAMITY ang baha .. sa pilipinas, HOLIDAY!


[photo caption: aug 2004, espana, infront of UST hi-way po ito, jetski for rent 200/hour available at piy margal st.]

Saturday, August 4, 2007

boredom = faggotry

who says prisons are boring?

while other prisons' are overflowing with bravado and beefcake, the 1,500+ inmates of Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center are doing Michael Jackson.

I saw a foreign indie film few years back about a ballet dancer who painstakingly taught a group of hardcore weed smokin' gang to leap, pas de deux and pirouette on their toes. Of course, the movie ends up with a bam-bam-tear-jerky-bow-moment. The third world has a fair share of these cheesiness festival, and its happening inside a notorious facility, I mean it is so cheesy I'm having lactose intolerance.

I must say, I was amazed by the fact that instead of cell riot and vandalizing their skin with senseless graffiti like "I LOVE BEKYA" "Punks not dead!" and "papa canton ako" ... these people has creatively formulated an alternative activity to kill boredom. There has been activities in the past like livelihood programs, arts and crafts, cross stitching sessions and bible study where they can divert their energy and time. But these folks are doing something out of the box--Synchronized dancing. They've been practicing everyday and they will be shot on the head if they don't participate (OK I'm exaggerating)

now here's an encore televised in one of those popular morning shows

dang! they are so popular now in youtube! and I won't be surprised to find out that they are now rehearsing for their Pussycat Dolls repertoire!

Fine, so everyone's turning gay now?

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

philippine drollery in pictures

Here's the second installment of the posters and signs you can actually see around the fabuloous third world, well I'm not posting these because I want to give the country some serious embarrassment, but ... it's just irresistibly funny.

walking around here is indeed one funny trek, so bring with you your digicam and click away, beacause we are one huge gag show here. although malacaƱang, senate and the congress is the TRUE seat of comedy, not to mention the side circus and freak show.

silence daw gentlemenS! napapakanta nga ako ng quiet night, ho-oly night...

Holy sh**! so pag holy week daw up-to-sawa?

with all the ballons and anahaw..
its really an AMEZING float

I betcha' this will be a topic of CANVERSation

uhhhm, Paki konek!

sopsop to the left, Jerk'o to the right.
either way you'll be having a goooood time!"

cream vented what?!!
yeah and its a bird! great

in this resort, the sand is white.. and its a beautiful BIACH!

Like PLAT iron? PLAT chested? PLAT tire?

hmmm. no thanks, i have my wnad with me
(hindi naman kasi ako nagmamadali, katakot)

Interpreter please!

JIUCE ko 'day! Kalowka!

Hahaha, this is hilarious I SUER!
at may PRIZE san ka pa?!

what the hell is DO-DINE?
napaka inefficient ng webster at wikipedia, hindi alam ang entry na ito!

Mr Bboy Alulod, mali po yata spelling ng washing machine!

don't get me wrong, I also believe that these doesn't measure a country's sovereignty, and peoples ability to rise up to success ... hmmm whatever!

for more of these, see funny posters part 1 ... click away!